Divorce | Gospel Pages Today

Damita has taken many lessons from her 15-year marriage to Deitrick Haddon. “Being in a relationship really teaches you how to deal with people’s personalities, weaknesses, and flaws.” Since her divorce, she has been doing just fine. “Life is amazing! In reference to the divorce, we haven’t been together since 2011. We have both moved on the way God planned. I believe that God allows things to
happen in our lives. I put my total trust in Him … I am better than okay.” The Bible teaches that it is difficult for two to walk together unless they agree. We asked Damita if this was an area of difficulty in her marriage. “Concerning spiritual things, we always agreed. However, in the natural, you aren’t going to agree on everything. Just because you don’t agree, it doesn’t mean it should tear up a relationship, whether it’s a friendship, marriage or whatever. We did agree on most things. Of course, we had different opinions and outlooks, but at the end of the day it’s about coming to a common denominator and common ground. For the most part, years ago there was agreement.”

Damita has found herself in the public eye for her marriage to Haddon, her career, and her appearance on “Preacher’s Wives of LA.” She says neither her time in the spotlight, nor her ex-husband’s career, led to the divorce. When asked if she believes in love, she replied: “There isn’t just a single thing. It’s not like a one answer solution, it depends on the situation. I would say that love works. My current husband and I [have a motto] – ‘Love will work when two people want it to work.’ I’d say when you want it to work, put forth the effort to make it work. The moment one person chooses not to, it totally causes a chain reaction. Everything that you built together begins to collapse. Love is the foundation of a relationship … period. I’m not talking about the goosebumps & butterflies nor the heart skipping-a- beat-type of love, but agape love that God talks about in the scripture; the love that doesn’t hurt nor cause any wrong.”

The Haddock divorce was flooded with confusion, public humiliation on both sides, accusations and social media post warsincluding indirect stabs at Damita from Deitrick’s current wife, Dominique. The controversy wreaked havoc on the congregation (the Haddocks pastored a church together in Detroit during their marriage) and shook the Christian community. Deitrick pointed the finger at recording artist, Isaac Carree, accusing him of infidelity with Damita, sparking their divorce.

Damita encourages couples not to take love for granted. “I would tell married people, and especially those looking to get married, to analyze yourself and not the other person. If you are ready – really ready- you will question compatibility and things that we normally don’t deal with before getting married.” The circumstances and trials she faced positively influences her music, writing, mentoring, singing, and speaking. “I’ve been able to help numerous first ladies, preacher’s wives, and regular people … ”
Being an avid Christian and believer, Damita values humility. “My situation, my life, and what I’ve been through prepared me to help [others]. I believe that’s why God chose me to go through what I went through – so I could be a light to someone else. Sometimes we try to lie our way out of life. I’m able to tell the truth and keep it real. Keep it real about who and what you are. That’s just the way it is.”

One of Damita’s inspirational songs is “I Won’t Turn Back.” “This song is very detailed concerning my mentality and what I’ve seen. I’ve learned that I’m the only person that I hurt by staying in the mind frame of the past, or the same patterns of grief. You get stuck in a holding pattern of ‘what would have been’. In order to move forward and become everything that I was meant to be, I have to move forward. I’m not looking back and staying stuck in a situation. ‘I Won’t Turn Back’ isn’t just a song- I apply it to my life.”

Luke Adams, Sting, Janet Jackson, Tina Turner, Dorinda Clark, Vickie Winans, CeCe Winans and Vanessa Bell are artists that Damita enjoys and have been her sources of inspiration. When asked if she had any advice for aspiring artists, Damita said, “Above all, keep singing! You’re setting yourself up if you are dormant and not doing anything with [your gift]. Get involved! If you’re in a church, get in the choir and sing – get on the praise team. You don’t always have to lead, you just need to be doing something and training your ear and voice to get better. Aspire to be the best background singer, harmonizer, praise and worship leader or section leader. When you love to sing, you just love to sing and grow as a singer.”
Damita wants people to see the joy, happiness, and overwhelming love she has today and the man that God has sent into her life. “I want to make sure that is represented, and that my story is told the right way.” Look for Damita in the many venues in which she shares the gospel.

It is no secret that Tina Campbell, better known as half of gospel duo Mary Mary, had some trouble in her marriage. Fans were shocked to learn that Tina’s husband, Teddy, had an affair with a close friend. Even more shocking to some was Tina’s decision to forgive the infidelity and remain in the marriage. The gospel community questioned how she could dare to do such a thing…and how her husband could dare to cheat on an iconic, beautiful and successful woman. Surprisingly, most of the uproar and outcries came from “the church.”

As difficult as the decision to stay must have been forTina, one is left to question the harshness of the Christian naysayers. Are we (Believers) not held to the same high standard of forgiveness? If she is willing to search within herself and her marriage for forgiveness, relying on her faith in God for answers, should not the Christian community support her decision? In this situation, what if Tina was unable to get over the infidelity? Is it acceptable for her to get a divorce in the eyes of God?

The standards for Christian marriage and divorce, like many topics in the Bible, can vary based on individual interpretation. Some say divorce is acceptable when infidelityoccurs. Others believe that marriage isfor better or worse – regardless of faithfulness. It is not unusual to find the same scriptures being used to support both stances.

Matthew 19:3-12 says, “Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?’ Haven’t you read,”he replied, “that at the beginning The Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be unified to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,”they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way fromthe beginning. I tell you, though, anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries anotherwoman commits adultery.”

How are we to know the true wishes of our God? Does He understand that in some cases, divorce is inevitable? Especially regarding infidelity. The Bible does seem to makean exception for divorce in Matthew 19:19. However, some debate whether this scripture truly refers to adultery.

Intense research is not necessary to understand God’s realviews on marriage and divorce. A look within will reveal what is right and what is wrong. Scripture teaches us the most important principle and commandment of all: LOVE. “Love covers a multitude of sins…” (1 Peter4:8). God loves us so much that He covers our sins, and He teaches us to cover those of others. He searches the true intent of our hearts and judges us with mercy. When we understand His love, and we aim to love Him, everything else falls into place. God makes peace and understanding availableto us in all circumstances. He forgives our mistakes when we ask.

Every effort should always be taken to keep a marriage intact, but remain aware of the love and peace that can only be thoroughly attained through a relationship with God. In aletter to her fans, Tina addressed her husband’s infidelity but also pointed out her own battles with rage, unforgiveness and pride. “Instead of being mad at each other, we’re mad at the devil and we’re ready to fight!” She encourages couples to fast together and to make praying together apriority.

Much can be learned from the Campbells. Since the controversy, they have allowed God to restore their marriageand they openly share their testimony with others. Together, they minister to couples worldwide on their YouTube TV Show that can be watched at www.TeddyandTina.com. In an interview with the Gospel MusicAssociation, Tina said, “When we considered that we’ve made the journey through better and worse and back to better, and are now approaching 18 years of marriage, we are beyond overjoyed to continue to bring couples this bi-weekly discussion of life, love, family and faith.” Are some actions enough to justifiably end a marriage? There is no one-size-fits-all answer. As with any trial or test we face as Believers, the true sign of victory is whether our faith in God still stands firm regardless of the outcome.

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